Helicopter Mom.

I am a helicopter mom. Or should I say "was" a helicopter mom. I am a worrier by nature. I worry about EVERYTHING, to the point of ridiculousness. Greg is completely opposite of me in this department. Which means when we are in family social situations, I am the one watching the kids while he is relaxing and chatting. Greg and I have had many discussions about this, and so I have been trying to find a good balance between being all over my kids and giving them some space to learn for themselves.

So lately when we have been out and about I have made a conscious effort to keep some distance. Like in the past when we went to Chickfila my kids were not allowed to go play in the play area until I was done eating and able to be in there with them. Now I will let them go in while I sit right outside the room watching, chatting, and eating. I still get panicky at times, but I am trying.

The park for me is the hardest. I want to just wrap Greyson up in bubble wrap, stick a helmet on him, and follow him around keeping no less than foot between us the entire time. I have been trying to keep some distance so he can explore on his own. Yesterday I was giving him some space and he fell off a play structure that was around 6-7 feet high.

Yep. You read that right. He FELL!

My worse (park) fear had come true.

I was only about 8-10 feet from him (my idea of  distance). I normally would of been standing there at the opening with my arms up yelling at him to be careful of the edge. When I ran over it looked like his arm was broken. It was all twisted. My heart dropped. Luckily he cried for all of 2 minutes (if that) and then was back to his crazy adventurous self.

I on the other hand was not okay. I felt like it was all my fault.

I wasn't right there.

I wasn't reminding him to be safe.

ALL. MY. FAULT.

I thought maybe this fall would of scared him enough to instill some fear into my fearless little boy. Maybe something good would come from this after all. Maybe this would end up being a learning experience for him.

Nope.

Not even 5 minutes later he was climbing across a tall rock wall, looking at me and giggling because he knew I didn't want him to do it. No fear.

So now I am really questioning my decision to try to give my kids more space. We got lucky this time that he didn't get seriously hurt, but who knows if we will be that lucky again.

Is there a happy medium?

Can I give my kids space?

Is it in me to be okay with that?

I am seriously doubting it.

The guilt of yesterday is still eating at me. Maybe being a helicopter mom isn't such a bad thing... at least then I could sleep at night.

Perfecting My Morning Coffee.

Let me just start off by stating I have never been much of a coffee drinker. I had never even made a cup of coffee before March of this year, and when I say never, I mean NEVER. I love yummy Fraps, Lattes, Cappuccino's.... you know, pretty much anything that has a shot or two (or ten) of vanilla, caramel, or chocolate in it, and is super creamy and I didn't have to make myself. If you had handed me a black cup of coffee, I don't think I would of known what to do with it.

So fast forward to now (11/11/13)...

I still won't drink a black cup of coffee, but I will drink a coffee that I made myself and isn't from Starbucks, which is progress!! So this is what I do...

Wondering what I did...

I had started writing this post over a year ago and had planned (even taken) photos to load up step by step instructions on how I make my "perfect" coffee. Pretty much I perfected frothing with a hand frother. Now I have taken my coffee addiction (remember I just started drinking coffee March 2013, mostly because Greg has since joined in and become even more addicted than me) to a whole new level! We now have an espresso machine with a built in frother and now our coffee makers and accessories have their own piece of furniture! Oh and it is no longer "my morning cup of coffee" its more like 2-3 cups a day (ahhh!). I am not sure how I went from drinking coffee to help with my migraines to devoting a whole corner of my kitchen to it!

We are CRAZAY! Yep. I said it. Well lets be real, we all already knew I was crazy and had to assume Greg was crazy, just based of that fact that he married me. I maybe should keep a little of my crazy to myself, but that's just no fun.

So hello, my name is Melissa and I am addicted to coffee.

Update on the sickness that has hit our house...

Greyson seems to being doing some what better, although he is starting to hate the breathing treatments. He was doing so awesome at them, like AMAZING. You would of thought he had been doing it all his life, like it was no big deal. Now we have to chase him down to do it, but once it starts he is great again. He is still coughing a bunch and not 100% himself, but all the steroids and antibiotics have definitely been helping. We go back soon to find about what kind of "maintenance" we need to be doing for his newly diagnosed Asthma.  

 Addi on the other hand hasn't been doing well at all. She has had really high fevers and has not been herself. We had to take her to the emergency care center yesterday because her fever got up to 105, and she was so out of it. So scary. They said she has bronchitis, I am just not sure that is what it is. Greg loves to point out that I have no medical degree and google doesn't make me more knowledgeable than a doctor. But it you look up what the symptoms are of bronchitis it makes no sense. They put Addi on antibiotics, so hopefully whether it is bronchitis or not hopefully it helps. So far it hasn't, she has had very high fevers today also. I have been on the phone with nurses on and off all day (at least it feels that way). This is day 6 of this sickness and it has only gotten worse. I am already a worrier by nature so this is just a little too much for me to take.

Today while Addi's temp was down for a bit, I let them have a little outside time. I feel like fresh air can do a body good, at least I hope it does. They had so much fun, they are going a bit stir crazy being home so much and can you blame me, its been so gorgeous outside these past few days.

I'm so over it.

Last week we took Addi to a new Cardiologist in Gainesville. We loved this new one, but Addi's new ECHO was not what we were expecting. They found a suspicious bright spot on the wall of her aorta near where she had her surgery, but not something resulting from the surgery. They are trying to get the film from our other Dr to compare since she had only had her last ECHO a couple months ago. If it is something that has changed recently then it is even more concerning. To me it's concerning either way. If the other Dr failed to inform us of this issue, I find that concerning. If it's something that wasn't on the previous ECHO and something that has changed that rapidly, I find that VERY concerning. I have been a wreck since. Seriously it's all I think about. The Dr wanted a CT done within the next week or two. SO... tomorrow is the day. I am super nervous and I knew today would be rough and full on anticipation.

Well today was rough for all sorts of reasons, not really the reasons I expected. Addi and Greyson got sick yesterday and Addi seemed to have the worst of it. High fever, cough, and endless runny nose. Greyson had about the same but only a mild fever and was acting more himself. This morning they woke up with low fevers and I was relieved. Then all the sudden there was throw up on the ground and I couldn't figure out which child it was from. I look over and Greyson looked horrible. His chest was heaving as if he was trying to catch his breath. I watched him for the next 15 mins hoping it would get better. He had a lot of retraction and he was breathing much faster than normal. You could see each rib, even on his back and his whole body moved with each breath. I had spent a whole week in the hospital watching this type of breathing while he was recovering from RSV at less than a month old. So of course my mind went crazy, envisioning another week stay in the hospital crammed in a little bed by his bedside, watching my baby lethargic and helpless. I then tried to think more logically, he is almost two, not less than a month old. I am sure that this happening at this age isn't as severe as it happening to a newborn. So after 3 hours at the doctors office, 2 breathing treatments, antibiotics and a steroid shot, we were sent home (nebulizer and steroids in tow). Greyson has pneumonia and asthma. So yay, another thing to add to my list of worries. I have to say though through all the craziness of today, the upcoming CT scan and Addi's heart wasn't front and center in my mind as it had been every other day since finding out about it. Definitely not a good thing, but at least somewhat of a silver lining?

Needless to say, I am worn out and just so over it. You know what they say... when it rains, it POURS!

Anyways, prayers are very much appreciated. Prayers for the health of my sweet babies and prayers for my sanity! :)

Update on Us!

So I know it's been a while, but things are absolutely CRAAAZAY now that school has started for the girls and I started watching my niece during the day. I mean seriously, I thought I was busy before but now its just nuts. My house is destroyed because I don't get a break at all, I think yesterday I got 5 mins where all the kids were sleeping, we spent over 3 hours driving here there and everywhere and we spent about 2 hours shopping (two separate trips since I forgot things the first time). I don't know where the time goes, but I don't seem to have any anymore. We are heading to Disney this weekend to celebrate Gman turning 2!! My parents are joining us, so it is going to be a blast! BUT it also means I have to spend today preparing and cleaning, because really who wants to come home to a dirty house after a fun and exhausting weekend. Not I! So that's about all I have time to type, here are some video's of what we have been up to!

Oh and forgot to mention, Addi has decided to use the potty while she is home. She is in school all day so I haven't pushed it. How do I potty train a child when I am not with them for most of the day???

Happy 3rd Birthday Addison Avery!

I can't believe she is 3 already. How is it possible that time has gone by so fast. It really scares me. I want to savor every minute of the kids being babies, but I feel like life gets so crazy and hectic that I blink, and Addi's 3 already! She is just so sweet these days and I am loving all the kisses and cuddles. It is amazing to watch her change as she gets older. We went through a really rough phase from 1- 2 1/2, she was just really angry at times and it was really hard to handle. I know it had a lot to do with our communication struggles, but even that has improved by leaps and bounds and I am excited to see what school will do to help her speech even more. Addi is such a strong and amazing little girl. I am so lucky that I get to be her mama!

We had a great family party for her this year. We got the season passes to Disney in lieu of big parties, which has been harder on me than the kids of course. I love big parties with lots of family and friends celebrating with us, but Disney is definitely worth giving it up for a year! Addi had a great time and really that's all that matters.

A Special Boy.

I can't sleep. I swear this happens to me every year as Addi's Birthday approaches.Tomorrow (well really now it's today) is Addi's birthday, but it's also the day that Charlie William passed away. I always get anxiety or guilt over celebrating on a day that is one of the saddest days I have ever known. I still remember exactly where I was when I heard the news. I was in the hallway of the NICU trying to get myself together to go back in to see Addi, when a friend called to tell me about Charlie's passing. We were both in disbelief, as we had both just seen him a few days before and we had had a playdate planned for the day it happened, but plans changed. I just remember sitting in that hallway feeling so heartbroken and crushed. I wanted to throw up. I want to rewind the past few days and start all over.

Charlie was such a special boy, he was so sweet and so happy and full of chunk just like Aubrey. I think back to him playing outside in the water with Aubrey, I think about him at the zoo thoroughly enjoying his lunch, I think about him running around my house chasing Aubrey and Logan. When I close my eyes I can still see him so clearly. I didn't even get to know him for very long, but he had such an impact. There was just something so special about him. I think about him often, and tonight more than ever. Charlie has touched so many lives in the short time he was here. I feel so blessed that I got to meet him.

***As I was typing this and went to find the pictures I had of Charlie, I realized that I had been here before. Writing a very similar post. The last one was written better, probably because it wasn't written at close to 1:00 in the morning, but oh well.

We miss you Charlie and we will never forget you.