Happy 3rd Birthday Addison Avery!

I can't believe she is 3 already. How is it possible that time has gone by so fast. It really scares me. I want to savor every minute of the kids being babies, but I feel like life gets so crazy and hectic that I blink, and Addi's 3 already! She is just so sweet these days and I am loving all the kisses and cuddles. It is amazing to watch her change as she gets older. We went through a really rough phase from 1- 2 1/2, she was just really angry at times and it was really hard to handle. I know it had a lot to do with our communication struggles, but even that has improved by leaps and bounds and I am excited to see what school will do to help her speech even more. Addi is such a strong and amazing little girl. I am so lucky that I get to be her mama!

We had a great family party for her this year. We got the season passes to Disney in lieu of big parties, which has been harder on me than the kids of course. I love big parties with lots of family and friends celebrating with us, but Disney is definitely worth giving it up for a year! Addi had a great time and really that's all that matters.

A Special Boy.

I can't sleep. I swear this happens to me every year as Addi's Birthday approaches.Tomorrow (well really now it's today) is Addi's birthday, but it's also the day that Charlie William passed away. I always get anxiety or guilt over celebrating on a day that is one of the saddest days I have ever known. I still remember exactly where I was when I heard the news. I was in the hallway of the NICU trying to get myself together to go back in to see Addi, when a friend called to tell me about Charlie's passing. We were both in disbelief, as we had both just seen him a few days before and we had had a playdate planned for the day it happened, but plans changed. I just remember sitting in that hallway feeling so heartbroken and crushed. I wanted to throw up. I want to rewind the past few days and start all over.

Charlie was such a special boy, he was so sweet and so happy and full of chunk just like Aubrey. I think back to him playing outside in the water with Aubrey, I think about him at the zoo thoroughly enjoying his lunch, I think about him running around my house chasing Aubrey and Logan. When I close my eyes I can still see him so clearly. I didn't even get to know him for very long, but he had such an impact. There was just something so special about him. I think about him often, and tonight more than ever. Charlie has touched so many lives in the short time he was here. I feel so blessed that I got to meet him.

***As I was typing this and went to find the pictures I had of Charlie, I realized that I had been here before. Writing a very similar post. The last one was written better, probably because it wasn't written at close to 1:00 in the morning, but oh well.

We miss you Charlie and we will never forget you.