Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Slow down and appreciate the little things...

I was sitting on the floor and Aubrey climbed into my lap and rested her head on me and cuddled in! I just sat there thinking of how amazing the moment was. I thought about the future when she may want nothing to do with me, and squeezed her a little tighter. I thought about if I could give birth to 1 year olds, I might be like my Mom and have five kids. I thought about how I couldn't wait for Addison to be big enough to join in on the cuddles. Then I stopped thinking and just enjoyed! I can't tell you how much I love my babies, and when they give me a hug, kiss, smile, or laugh, it makes my world.

I know that I tend to joke or complain (I hate calling it that, but I guess that is what it is) about how tough it is being a Mom, about being exhausted, and about how being a Mom is a full time job. I sometimes get caught up in the difficulties of being a Mom. I don't in my everyday life go on an on about everything I love about being a Mom or about how much I love my girls. Then I read things like I read today and I feel awful for uttering even just one negative thing about being a Mom. I read a Mother's CaringBridge page, she had just lost her baby boy. His dresser fell on him (guessing he was climbing it) and he ended up face down underneath it. I cried so much and just sat there in disbelief of how quickly things can change.

I truly love the moments where I get to slow down and just enjoy. Where all the stresses of the day or the tantrums that were thrown earlier, just melt away. I need to make sure I do it more. I love my girls more than life itself, and just can't believe how lucky I am to have them in my life.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Better than yesterday...

Today was so much better than yesterday.

Yesterday was rough, Aubrey woke up from her nap in the most horrific mood. Everything made her cry hysterically. We were going out to dinner. I hoped that getting her out of the house would snap her out of her funk. Well Aubrey had a tantrum like no other tantrum she has ever had. I didn't even know what to do, because normally we can talk to her and she will calm down. Well talking to her just upset her more. I am not a fan of bribing kids to stop crying, but I was at a loss and Greg decided to offer her some of his sweat tea (in hopes to calm her down enough to talk to her) and I didn't stop him. People were staring, I had no choice. I get really frantic when Aubrey is upset. I do not like crying and I get embarrassed when she isn't listening to me, which thank God is not a frequent thing for Aubrey. When we got home, we put her right to bed. Then Greg turned to me and said "And you want another?".

Today was the opposite. Aubrey was really happy and we just had so much fun together, dancing, jumping, rolling around, and just being all around silly! It is days like today, that make me want more than just another... (Shhh...don't tell Greg hehe!!)

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Growing so quickly...

I can't believe it has almost been 3 months since Addison was born. She is such an amazing baby, I am just so excited to see her grow up. Lately everyone has been saying she has changed so much. I guess I don't see it as clearly as they do, since I see her daily. But today she finally moved up a size, she is no longer in newborn sized clothing, still in newborn diapers though (thank goodness I accidentally over bought that size, I got 18 packs and we are down to our last two packs).

Greg and I have been contemplating moving her into her own room. She makes a lot of noise while she sleeps, so Greg and I don't get much sleep, even when she is sleeping. Our Doctor said we should start moving her out around the three month mark. I am nervous, but kind of excited to have our room back to ourselves. It's so crazy how fast she is growing up. She is getting better head control, grabbing things, playing, and so close to laughing (still doing the silent laugh)! I really am loving every second!!

Day she was born....
and now!!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Finally a girls trip!

Greg has been on so many boys trips. Lets see, since we have been together he has gone to Bahamas, Costa Rica, Vegas, and three cruises. That's a lot of trips. Now it is finally my turn!

We aren't thinking anything big, just a cruise! I am really excited, we haven't booked yet but hopefully we will within the next week! I am so lucky to have such a great husband who is such a great Daddy to the girls. I have a hard time leaving them, he was actually the one that told me I should plan a girls trip. He is quite wonderful! He said he is going to have a "Daddy's, Addison's and Aubrey's weekend of fun extravaganza!!" We'll see how fun it is, once he has to take care of the girls all on his own. I think after the weekend is over he will have a greater appreciation for all I do. Well I can only hope! :)

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

My silly girl!

Aubrey is always super silly! I just love it! Her is my silly girl in action!

Monday, August 22, 2011


Aubrey is learning so many new words each day. Its so amazing to see. She will try to repeat everything. I am just so proud!

She has been watching Baby Signing Time for the past couple weeks. She loves it, she tries to sing along and repeats what they say, and has been learning the signs too. I had wanted to do signing from the get go, but decided against it because I have heard it can delay speech. Aubrey has been talking a lot though, so I figured it might be safe to try it now. I am shocked at how quickly she is picking it up. She just signed to me tonight that she wanted a drink, and then when I asked her what kind, she signed juice!

I really think she is learning so quickly mostly because she loves to boss people around. The more she can say, the better she is at getting people to do what she wants. Oh well, whatever the reason may be I still love every second of it. Now if I could just catch her on video to share with everyone!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Now for our fighting song...

Like I said I have songs for everything. I constantly am telling others what songs fit situations they are going through. Latley Direks Bently has been singing about my lift to a T (mostly about babies and phases of life, I will of course share those another time!) Get excited!! I noticed that many of the ones I am sharing right now are country, but don't think that is all I listen to. The other genres of music are more for other times in my life. Like lots of  80's songs remind me of my Mom and Dad and growing up. Alternative and rap usually reminds me of breakups and fun with friends. Anyways back to my point, I did all the lovey songs for Greg and so I figured I'd share our fighting song, here it is...

"I Just Wanna Be Mad" (Terri Clark )

Last night we went to bed not talking

Cause we already said to much
I face the wall you faced the window
Bound and determined not to touch

We've been married 7 years now

Some days if feels like 21
I'm still mad at you this morning
Coffee's ready if you want some
I've been up since 5
Thinking about me and you
And I've got to tell you
The conclusion I've come to


I'll never leave, I'll never stray
My love for you will never change
But I ain't ready to make up or get around to that
I think I'm right I think your wrong
I'll probably give in before long
Please don't make me smile
I just want to be mad for awhile

For now you might as well forget it

Don't run your fingers through my hair
Yeah that's right I'm being stubborn
No I don't want to go back upstairs
I'm going to leave for work
Without a goodbye kiss
But as I'm driving off
Just remember this

[Chorus twice]

I just want to be mad for awhile

I just want to be mad for awhile
I just want to be mad for awhile

This pretty much sums up our fights. We are both pretty stubborn and think we are always right. (I of course am, hehe!) It's so hard to stay mad at Greg, he is just so funny and silly. He can always get me to laugh, it kills me because sometimes I just want to be mad for a while.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Our Songs, Your Everything (Post 4 of 4)

Finally the last song... Your Everything (Keith Urban):
The first time I looked in your eyes I knew 
that I would do anything for you
The first time you touched my face I felt
what I never felt with anyone else
I wanna give back what you've given to me &
I wanna witness all of your dreams
Now that you've shown me
who I really am
I wanna be more than just your man

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails &
be the hand that lifts your veil
be the moon that moves your tide
the sun comin up in your eyes
be the wheel that never rusts
be the spark that lights you up
all that you've been dreaming of & more
so much more
I wanna be your everything

When you wake up
I'll be the first thing you see &
when it gets dark
you can reach out to me
I'll cherish your words &
I'll finish your thoughts &
I'll be your compass baby
when you get lost

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails &
be the hand that lifts your veil
be the moon that moves your tide
the sun comin up in your eyes
be the wheel that never rusts
be the spark that lights you up
all that you've been dreaming of & more
so much more
I wanna be your everything

I'll be the wheel that never rusts
be the spark that lights you up
all that you've been dreaming of & more
so much more
I wanna be your everything

I wanna be your everything
I wanna be your everything 

While looking for songs for our first dance at our wedding, I came across this song. I just loved it, and Greg loved it just as much. Last minute I changed my mind on which song to use, I kept thinking no one would know it and would be so bored watching us dance around to a song they didn't know. I regret it now. This song just sums up love to me, mine and Greg's love to be exact. We never want to hold each other back, we want to be with each other for everything, and lift each other up when things get tough. Things have been especially tough lately with all that Addison is going through. Greg has been amazing, he has been there for me and supported me and helped me through it every step of the way. He really is my rock, my anchor, and my everything!

Our Songs, The Rest of My Life... (Post 3 of 4)

Here is the next, The Rest of My Life (Blessid Union Of Souls):
I know you're heard the excuses before
So I won't waste your time and I'll keep this short
I've bound my emotions 'cause I can't afford to be wrong
I know we've talked about being good friends
So we've been real careful of the signals we've sent
But all of your glances they came and the went to my head
And I'm not a man to throuw words to the wind
When I said "I love you" that's what I meant
And I plan to show you if it takes me the rest of my life
The rest of my life
The rest of my life
I don't want to rush this cause my greatest fear
is taking for granted what's taken us years
To build from the ground up with all of the tears that we cried
We've taken our time and for this I'm so glad
Now we can be sure that this moment will last
We've traveled a road of mistakes in our past to get her
And I'm not about to throw words to the wind
When I said "I love you" that's what I meant
And I'm going to show you if it takes me the rest of my life
The rest of my life
The rest of my life
And I'm not a man to throw words to the wind
When I said "I love you" well, that's what I meant
And I plan to show you if it takes me the rest of my life 

This song reminds me of the very beginning of Greg and my relationship. We had been really good friends and I wasn't really ready to be more because I had just gotten out of a bad relationship. Greg and I started to "date" but I wasn't really all in it and kept telling him that we weren't serious. After about three months of "dating" Greg told me he loved me. I told him he was crazy and he didn't know what he was talking about. Needless to say he didn't take it very well. He told me he meant it and wasn't just saying it. Hopefully he will be showing me for the rest of my life! 

Our Songs, Better Life... (Post 2 of 4)

Here is the next song, Better Life (Keith Urban):

Friday night and the moon is high
I'm wide-awake just watchin' you sleep
And I promise you you're gonna have
More than just the things that you need
We ain't got much now, We're just startin' out
But I know somehow paradise is comin'
Someday baby, You and I are gonna be the ones
Good luck's gonna shine
Someday baby you and I are gonna be the ones
So hold on
We're headed for a better life
Oh now there's a place for you and me
Where we can dream as big as the sky
I know it's hard to see it now
But baby someday we're gonna fly
This road we're on, you know it might be long
But my faith is strong
It's all that really matters
Someday baby, You and I are gonna be the ones
Good luck's gonna shine
Someday baby you and I are gonna be the ones
So hold on
We're headed for a better life
So hold on, hold on
C'mon baby, hold on
Yeah, we're gonna have it all
And ooh
Someday baby, You and I are gonna be the ones
Good luck's gonna shine
Someday baby you and I are gonna be the ones
So hold on
We're headed for a better life
Someday baby, You and I are gonna be the ones
Good luck's gonna shine
Someday baby you and I are gonna be the ones
So hold on
We're headed for a better life
Oh, a better life
Hey we're gonna leave this all behind us baby, wait and see
We're headed for a better life, you and me
We're gonna break the chains that bind and, finally we'll be free
We're gonna be the ones that have it all, you and me
Just hold on tight now baby

Greg has never had the greatest luck, well other than getting me!! He just isn't a lucky person, but he is the hardest worker I know. We always joked about he could win any game as long as none of it was left up to chance, but definitely if it was based on talent or brains. He seriously knows a ton of random facts and is extremely athletic. 

In college we both struggled to get by, we worked and never seemed to have any extra money. When we were moving to Jacksonville, we decided it was a new start that our luck (mostly Greg's) would change for the better. So this was our song, we had each other and knew as long as we did that we were heading for a better life

Our songs, Everyday Love... (Post 1 of 4)

I am the type of person who has songs for everything I go through in my life. When I listen to certain songs it just brings me back to different times. They say things better than I can say myself. So I am going to share the songs that represent Greg and I. 

Here is the first, Everyday Love (Rascal Flatts):
Each morning the sun shines through my window
Lands on the face of a dream come true
I shuffle to the kitchen for my coffee
And catch up on the front page morning news
Then she walks up behind me and throws her arms around my neck
Just another normal thing I've come to expect

It's ordinary plain and simple
Typical, this everyday love
Same ol', same ol' keeping it new
(Same ol'/This everyday love)
Emotional, so familiar
Nothing about it too peculiar
Oh, but I can't get enough
Of this everyday love

Every afternoon I make a phone call
Listen to the voice that warms my heart
I drag myself through a few more hours
Then head on home to try and beat the dark
Her smile will be right there when I step through that door
And it will be that way tomorrow, just like everyday before

[Repeat Chorus]

Wouldn't change one single thing about it
No, it's run-of-the-mill, still I can't live without it

[Repeat Chorus]

Yeah, of this everyday love
Can't get enough of this everyday love
Can't get enough of this everyday love
Can't get enough of this everyday love
Can't get enough

This song reminds me of when I moved to Gainesville to be with Greg, we had been together for six months but had been friends for much longer. We didn't have a whirlwind romance but more of a friendship that developed into more. Which I think is so much better! We were so comfortable with each other but always couldn't wait to be together. After a while I knew we were meant to be together because we had the perfect EVERYDAY LOVE!! 

Friday, August 19, 2011

Consider it gone...

I really have lost it. I pretty much just got ran over by my van. I started cleaning out my van since both girls were sleeping when I got home. I couldn't get the trunk open for some reason, I tried to manually open it, tried the button, tried the keys. So I figured maybe it wouldn't open while it is running. So I turned the car off to see if that's why it wouldn't open. Well I guess I never put the car in park so it instantly rolled back into me and continued to roll down the driveway (our driveway is very sloped). I lunged at the brake and slammed on the break with my hand. It was so scary. Now my leg is killing me. Seriously I am no longer losing my mind, I've definitely LOST it.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I just can't get enough...

of Aubrey's cuteness! I just want to hug and squeeze her all the time, which lately she has been letting me do!! I LOVE this stage and just want her to stay this age forever!! Well maybe not forever, but you get my point! :)

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

My Mom...

I love my Mom more than I can even express. She is my best friend. I tell her everything. She has been so amazing through everything with Addison's medical issues. She has been there to calm my worries, listen to me cry, and there to listen to me vent. She comes up for all of Addison's appointments to watch Aubrey, took care of Aubrey while we were in the hospital with Addison (both times). It means so much to me. I thank her all the time, but it just doesn't feel like enough. She seriously is such and amazing person, friend, and Mother. Her birthday is coming up and I wanted to do something thoughtful, something she could wear to remember how much she means to me. So I thought of what she loves more than anything, her grandchildren. So this is what I got her!!
 I am so excited about it. I really hope she likes it. (It will of course have her three Grandchildren's names on it.) I just can't wait to give it to her!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Breastfeeding vs. Pumping

Breastfeeding compared to pumping is like insanity compared to sanity, for me. When I found I was pregnant again, all I felt was panic. I thought of how hard the first three months with Aubrey were, and how unhappy I was. I really thought that I had had PPD, but come to find out it was more so the breastfeeding that made me a nutcase. 

With Aubrey she latched immediately, the problem is she never wanted to stop. Aubrey was always hungry. I felt stuck at home because I was not/ am not comfortable with breastfeeding in public. She cried all the time, and sometimes fed for three hours straight. She didn't want anyone else holding her. I was the only one who could calm her down. She associated me with food, so even if she wasn't hungry as soon as I'd pick her up she wanted to eat. About a month in Aubrey was starting to choke and gag every time she fed. I was overproducing. Which then led to me getting mastitis several times. Then on top of that I had a few bouts of thrush. I felt that I never got to enjoy Aubrey's first few months, I was always so stressed about feeding her. I cried quite often, got frustrated easily, and always felt overwhelmed.

With Addison it's been so different. She didn't latch well at all. Then she was in the NICU for a week, unable to be breastfed. So I started pumping. I didn't realize how much easier it would be. I love knowing exactly how much she is getting. I love being able to go anywhere and not feel panic if she becomes hungry. I still over produce but instead of choking and gagging Addison, I have a freezer full of extra breast milk. I haven't gotten mastitis, because I can fully empty each time I pump.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't hate every second of breastfeeding. There are definitely positives to it. For me though those positives just don't outweigh the negatives.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

18 Months and 2 Months!

Both girls had there check ups today. Aubrey didn't handle it all too well. She was hysterical for most of the appointment, until we told her it was time to go. Addison was so calm and sweet, just her usual laid back self.
Greg loved that Aubrey was upset. I know that sounds awful, but Aubrey has never been too big on hugging (although lately I have gotten a ton, but not Greg though). So he loves when she is upset because she clings and hugs and rests her head on him. It's sad, but it really is wonderful! She was a little more hysterical than usual. She screamed and cried so much that her nose started bleeding. I didn't even know that could happen. My poor baby.

Aubrey is now 27 lbs 8.5 oz and 31.5 in length (might be off a little, Greg thinks she is longer she was flailing a lot). She now has a vocabulary of around 60 words. Of course some of the words are not completely clear, most passerby's wouldn't have a clue what she is saying but there are some that she says really well. For instance, banana, ball, hi, hey, Mama, Dada, stinky, go, ready, nose, eye, eat, more, oh no, no no, uh oh, up, all done, down, woah, eww, night night, and come on (just to name a few), are all super clear. The others aren't so much,  her "love you" and "bless you" sound very similar.
 Addison is 9 lbs 7.5 oz and 21.5 in length. She has a vocabulary of around 20 words. Yep she is a genius!! :) Seriously though, she is smiling up a storm and cooing a ton, its so fun! She is quite small compared to Aubrey at that age. Aubrey was 12 lbs 13 oz and 23.5 in length. It's really nice to have a small baby this go around.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Who's Changed More?

As Greg and I were sitting in the the hospital with tons of time on our hands, we started discussing how we never imagined being where we are. If someone had told me when I met Greg that we would end up married with two amazing girls, I would of laughed in their face. Greg just wasn't my "type", he was a little nerdy, a little crazy, and a little too nice. He was a crazy party/frat boy. Going out with friends drinking EVERY night, he worked just to support his social life (granted it was college). Very different from who he is today. Believe me though I love both crazy Greg and the amazing Greg he is now.

Now don't think for one second that while Greg was out partying and being nutty that I was sitting home knitting or reading like a good little girl, although I would rather my parents think that. I was right there with him. I gave Greg a run for his money on the crazy party front. Mostly because I am a little crazy even when I am not drinking. I don't think Greg and I would of lasted through college if we weren't both out together having fun. If one was out being crazy while the other was home waiting, it just would never have worked.

So back to the discussion, we were sitting there trying to figure out who had changed more. We each thought each other. He said I never like to drink and be crazy anymore. I pointed out that I had been pregnant for like 5 years (exaggeration, but still). I was pregnant or breastfeeding through, two Florida/Georgia's, two New Years, two Halloweens (Greg's brother and girlfriend have a big party each year, can't wait to go this year and be able to participate!!), two 4th of July's, two Birthday's, and the list goes on. With little ones, especially now having one with medical problems there just isn't as much time to let loose and have fun. Don't get me wrong, I love who we are now, and our life but I do miss the "crazy us". So we decided, and I hope we actually follow through, to throw a party. In true Gville style!! Yep that means, beer pong, beirut, flip cup, card games, hunch punch, keg, upside down margaritas, etc... We are thinking around Labor Day (September), as long as we can get babysitting set up! Should be interesting!! So hopefully Greg and I, and whoever decides to join us will get to party like its... ummm what year was it??

Ummm yeah... it should be fun!!

Monday, August 8, 2011

My Silly Girls!

"I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew." Love Talladega Nights! 
In Aubrey's case she is all jacked up on juice!!

Addison giving lots of smiles, which since having the surgery is more rare. 

I just love how Aubrey says no-no, it always makes me laugh!! 

Sunday, August 7, 2011

These past two days...

These past two days have been the most trying, frustrating, and exhausting days. My normally laid back, sweet baby is in so much pain that she is inconsolable. She cried yesterday from around 1:30-9:30 (today it's been just as long). We got her to sleep twice but it only lasted 15 mins before she woke up shrieking in pain. It is killing me. I wish it was me instead of her.

I really thought the tough part was behind us, that once we left the hospital we would resume life as normal. I just so want to be done with all this. My poor poor baby has been through enough. I literally want to cry when she's crying, no one wants to see their child in pain.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Going home... maybe!

The Doctor just came in to take a peak at Addison. She said she seems to be doing great, and that her echo and swallow study were good! She went on to say it doesn't seem like there is any reason to keep Addison any longer, but she had to go talk to our nurse to see if we could get it set up to be discharged TODAY!! I am so excited, I really hope we get to go home! I miss Aubrey, I miss getting to hold Addison without cords being attached all over her, and lastly I miss my bed. I am just so excited!!

Sleep, please!!

It's 2:30 AM and Greg and I have barley slept.

We are squished together on a tiny window seat, it is a good bit smaller than a twin bed. We figured we could make it work, we are fairly small people. We tried every different position possible, back to back, front to front, head to feet, me on the inside, him on the inside, etc., all to try to fit on this microscopic "bed". We just can't seem to fit on it comfortably. Which makes sense because it is only meant to sleep one person, we were just determined to both stay with Addison. I should also mention that Greg is a heater, we normally cuddle when we first go to bed and then do the roll away because if not we both just get too hot.

So there we are glued together, with a gross layer of sweat between us, trying to fit on this one person "bed" and doing our best to get some sleep. Then the screaming begins. It's not coming from our sweet baby girl, but from almost every other room around us. I am pretty sure the babies are taking turns.

On top of the screaming, we hear loud monitors going off, including Addison's. One of her leads keeps coming off so the machine beeps incessantly. It is driving us a little bit insane. At first we would pop up each time, worried something was wrong. Then after what seemed like the hundredth time we just tried to sleep through it.

On a happier note... there was talk yesterday about possible getting to go home today if her swallow study and echo go well. I can only hope this happens, because I can not spend another night crammed in a bed with Greg with screaming and beeping all around. I desperately need some SLEEP!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Movin' On Up...

Uh Oh.. where did Addison go?

Oh there she is, finally in my arms!!

Okay I am super cheesy, but I am so happy right now!! We are finally moving up to the 6th floor, to a regular room!! No more ICU for little Miss Addison! We can finally stay with her! 

Addison is doing great! She has been eating regularly. Her blood pressure is still high so they are starting her on oral medicine that she might have to stay on for a few months. As long as she keeps eating well, and they can get her swallow study done before the weekend we can possibly out of here by Saturday. Wish it was today but that's just me being greedy. I guess I will settle for movin' on up!!! 

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Can we all get on the same page please??

These past two days have been days of pure confusion. No one seems to know what is actually going on. Every single doctor or nurse that enters our room seems to have a different story to tell us or we just get flat out incorrect information altogether and have to have them double check.

Yesterday after the mix up in the blood I.D number, I had them check Addison's blood type because the nurse was mentioning how pale Addison looked and that she might need blood. She came back and said O+, the same blood type as me. I was confused because in the NICU they had told us that she wasn't the same blood type as me and that is was one of the reasons she got such bad jaundice. Greg then researched online and he read that and AB+ (which is Greg's bloodtype) could not possibly have an O child. He then of course made a joke asking if I had anything I would like to tell him (typical Greg). So right before we headed out for lunch, I had her check again because Greg and I were both sure that she wasn't O. We didn't want Addison getting the wrong blood if she ended up needing some. The nurse seemed skeptical, but went and double checked. She came back apologizing profusely, she had made an error. Addison was in fact B+.

So before we headed home yesterday for the night, we talked to the staff that would be watching over Addison. We were talking to the head of the night nurses, we were discussing the possibility of  them feeding her over night. So I went in to my whole spiel about having to be careful because she spits up out her nose instead of her mouth, due to her having a soft cleft palate. She replied saying that they could not feed her then, until she had a swallow study done. She went on to say how thank goodness I told her because she could aspirate because her nose is blocked by the oxygen tube.

So this morning when we arrive, I instantly ask the first nurse who enters the room about the swallow study and if Addison is able to eat yet. She said she didn't need a swallow study until right before Addison is discharged and that speech therapy would just come and see if she is swallowing okay and feed her. So I bring up the fact that she spits up our her nose, and she was pretty much like... so what?? I then tell her what the other nurse had said about aspirating and she said that was not true. So I am a little annoyed about getting a differing information, and annoyed that all they were doing was having her see a speech therapist. Addison has seen so many speech therapist and we even see one weekly, and more specifically she had seen this exact one in the NICU and this speech therapist had told us that Addison had no issues, and did NOT have a soft cleft palate. After that nurse leaves our day nurse comes in, so I ask her about when the speech therapist is coming so she can eat. She tells me that Addison has to have a swallow study first before eating. So then we are completely confused.

Around 3:30 PM, we noticed Addison's blood pressure has been rising and is well over the range they like to see. Our nurse kept telling us it was fine, that its just when she is too active. Then one of her surgeons peeks his head in and just quickly tells us that all of Addison's numbers look good, and that everything is fine. He then asks about her eating, we tell him she hasn't been allowed to eat yet. He then asked us if she normally eats anything at home. I thought I misheard him, since I am known to have awful hearing. So I had him repeat himself. Yep, he really was asking if she ate at home. UMM, yes she eats. I am pretty sure a child can't survive without eating. He walks away and literally a minute later a Cardio nurse stops by and tells us her numbers aren't looking so good and that we will have to start oral blood pressure medicine. So again leaves us completely confused.

Greg and I have learned to just keep asking things over and over, someone is bound to give us the right answer eventually. We just don't believe anything until we see it.

In other news, They took out the tube that was draining the area around the heart. They then took X-rays to make sure nothing was wrong. It turns out that when they took out the tube they got an air bubble in Addison, near her left lung. It make breathing really uncomfortable. They then said she couldn't eat until they were sure if it would go away or not. We would have to wait to find out at 4 PM. If it didn't get smaller they would have to put her under and put another tube in to get it out. At 4 PM they did another X-ray and it showed that it was going away on its own!

It is now 5 PM and poor Addison is just now eating for the first time since surgery, and all she is eating is pedialite. She is starving. We have been trying to keep her happy with some sweeties and her paci, not really working.

Oh yeah and she has yet to have a swallow study and has yet to get medicine for her blood pressure. I know everyone is doing their best, but it is frustrating.

I miss the NICU, they were so on top of their game. The PICU can't seem to all get on the same page.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011


I woke up with a huge pit in my stomach, I couldn't believe this day was here. I would find myself tearing up as I got ready to head to the hospital. Once I got in the car I couldn't hold them in anymore. I just silently cried as Greg drove. The closer we got the more anxiety I had. This was it, my baby was having open heart surgery.

I composed myself by the time we got there and we walked in and sat in a waiting area for an hour. Why they had us come in at 6:30 AM to sit around waiting was beyond me. We finally went back into yet another waiting area. We were surrounded by other families that had kids going into surgery. It ranged anywhere from a bump on a leg being removed, to tonsils being taken out, to the worst being Addison's open heart surgery. Our surgery may have been worse, but man watching little kids being so scared and sad was heartbreaking. I thanked God that Addison was so young and didn't know what was to come and further more, wouldn't remember it.

We waited for a while to meet the team that would be taking care of Addison. The nurse checked her I.D. bracelets and noticed that her blood I.D had the incorrect number on it. We had just had my Dad drive 20 mins to bring us that very bracelet because we had accidentally left it in my other diaper bag, and we didn't want them to have to redraw blood. Well it turned out since it was done incorrectly they would have to draw blood again anyways. So I woke my poor parents up for nothing.

We finally met the surgeon after all the others were already taken back for their surgeries. By this time it was 8:40 AM, already 40 mins past when the surgery should of been started. They told us about all the possible things that could happen, the worst one was the possibility of her being paralyzed from the heart down. I really wish they wouldn't have done that. It was just more for me to worry about.

They took her from us at the "goodbye area", I held my composure but then cried as we walked away. I knew it was for the best that she get this surgery but it was so hard to let her.

They came in and updated us a few times, just to keep us calm I think. She was doing "fine", they finished in three and a half hours. She did amazingly, of course... since she is amazing!! They had taken care of both places of the aorta that were thinning. Such a huge relief, they hadn't thought they were going to fix the less severe one yet.

So today I breathe a little easier. Addison is recovering better than expected. She has been sleeping pretty peacefully with little to sometimes no pain medication, which has shocked the nurses. She is our sweet little fighter...


We realized today just how much our sweet baby has grown and changed, all thanks to seeing her back in a giraffe warmer....



Monday, August 1, 2011

Afraid to Sleep

Sleeping to me is like pushing fast forward...

When I'm excited about something that is happening the next day I like to get to bed early. Just to get to it faster.

When I'm traveling and anxious to get where I'm going, I try to sleep. Just to get there faster.

On a night like tonight, with Addisons surgery being tomorrow, I'm too afraid to go to sleep...

I just don't want to get there any faster. :(

Pre-op "fun"

Addison's Pre-op was exhausting and traumatic, well at least for me it was. We were there for four hours, we were shuffled around from here to there. Addison slept like a little angel, except for when the nurses and doctors were poking and prodding.

They took her blood, they tied her arm off so tightly it almost turned purple. She screamed louder than she ever has before. I fought back my own tears. She rarely cries, so when she does it kills me. She also had X-rays where they dangled her by her arms over the machine. Thank goodness Greg went in for that part with out me. I would of fallen to pieces watching her be dangled while she screamed at the top of her lungs. The second they stopped doing awful things to her, she went right back to sleep. I think it was all just too much for her, so she tried to just sleep through it.

So glad that all that is over, now its on to the surgery the truly traumatic part.

It was a busy day...