Organized Religion.

Growing up we never took part in organized religion, apart from the random Sunday's I went with friend's families. My Mom always talked to my siblings and I about God and how we should have a relationship with Him and that going to Church doesn't make you closer to God or make you a good person all of that was up to us. I have always loved the way she looks at things, and I truly believe that it is very true, to an extent.

So why did my parents not have us participate in organized religion? Well my parents are not the same religion and they didn't want to push a specific religion on us. I really appreciated it growing up, but now that I have kids of my own I feel a little lost.

My sister went through a really rough patch in her life and I feel like maybe if we had had a "Church family" or someone else that she could turn to to talk to that maybe she wouldn't have felt the need to do some of the things she did and maybe would of taken advice from someone else since she wouldn't take her families. That maybe if she had had a closer relationship with God or known more about God that it would of helped her. This may or may not be the case, I could be completely wrong. I just feel like maybe if she hadn't felt so alone that maybe she would of been a stronger more confident person.

The reason I think about this more now is because I now have children of my own and we live in a time where there is so much bad in the world, I just want to expose them to as much good as I can and for them to know they always have God to turn to. So now I find myself trying to figure out where I/we belong. I feel so lost. It's just so far out of my comfort zone. I don't know much about religion or the Bible. I feel behind and when I go to a church I don't feel like I belong. I just don't feel comfortable, it really just makes me feel inadequate. I want so much to know more but I don't want to feel dumb or out of place in the process. I know that sounds crazy, but I have always had an issue about feeling dumb or asking for help. My parents would always ask me why I was so scared of feeling stupid or unintelligent, or why I felt like I wasn't smart enough. If you knew my older brother and younger brother you would understand, they were beyond smart and I always felt like I just didn't measure up. Anyways my point is, organized religion kind of brings me back to those childhood insecurities.

I just wish I knew more, or really anything at all. I have always prayed and have always tried to have a relationship with God, but not knowing much about the Bible now makes me feel like I don't have a "real" relationship with Him because I don't know enough to.

I just want to find somewhere I feel comfortable enough to learn and to bring my kids. I know it's all my own issues. It's just hard to be in a room full of people that know what is going on and you are the only one who is clueless. I really want to find a place for our family, where my kids will grow up and learn about God. :/