A year later, we still had not conceived. Each month that passed became harder and harder for me. I was crushed every time. I had researched like crazy and just knew something was wrong. I went to an OB, one I had never met since I hadn't had one in the area yet. She treated me like I was crazy, and that I was the problem because I was putting to much pressure on myself and on Greg. I of course cried, she obviously had no clue how hard it is to hope and pray and think your pregnant each month, and then find out you are not. Soul crushing, is what it is.
A few months went by, and I decided to skip another visit to the worthless OB and set up an appointment with a fertility clinic instead. In my loads of research I had read to start the testing with the male. It is cheaper and way less invasive. We got the results in a matter of days. Greg's sperm had 0% normal morphology. I am no doctor, nor do I pretend to be, but when you see a big fat zero you know it can't be good. We find out his sperm have no chance of breaking through an egg. So onto IVF we went...
IVF, in-vitro fertilization, umm let me just say NOT FUN. Greg had to administer 1-3 shots a day to my thigh, upper butt, and worst of all my stomach. He literally has to chase me around and hold me down to do the stomach ones. It was like getting injected with fire. My body did amazingly on all the drugs, my abnormally young ovaries produced 23 healthy eggs!! That is more than double the norm!! Can you tell how proud I am of them?!
So there I was thinking the worst was over, then came the egg retrieval. My biggest fear was being put under, well that was nothing compared to the horrid pain I was in and the swelling. I looked 6 months pregnant. They took all 23 of my eggs and injected them with Greg's sperm. So then it was just a waiting game to see how well they would do. We got a call daily updating us on our "babies". We lost two and all the others did wonderfully. Five days after the retrieval was the transfer. They put two embryos in.
We were so excited, for sure this was it, we would finally have a baby. I followed all the rules, stayed in bed after, didn't pee on a stick, and kept hydrated. Two weeks later I went in to find out my beta number. They called later that day, it literally felt like weeks went by waiting for their call. They said I was in fact pregnant but it didn't look good so I needed to come back in and retest to see if it was going up. So I went in two days later and again time slowed, the call came, and I was told I was miscarrying. I couldn't even breathe. I had waited my whole life for the moment I would find out I was going to be a Mom, and now I was being told in the very next breath that I was losing my baby. Needless to say I was hysterical. For the first and only time I cried myself to sleep. To make matters worse, Greg had a bachelor cruise to go on the very next day. It had been planned for close to a year and he was the best man. So while he was away, I cried non-stop and miscarried.
We were back at square one, well almost. This time I didn't have to do the egg retrieval but still had daily shots, and now had to add some hormone patches into the mix. This time after the transfer I said screw the rules, and tested as soon as I could, and got two lines! I was so excited so after that I tested daily to see if it would get darker. It continued to. I went in for my beta, I got a really high number! It was the best day ever, but we still had to make sure it was going up. Well, it more than doubled! I was finally pregnant! This was how our first miracle, aka Aubrey, came to be!
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| Our First Miracle |
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