Monday, July 25, 2011

Transition into Motherhood...

I thought babies wouldn't change much. After twenty five months straight of being pregnant/ breastfeeding and two kids later it is glaringly obvious that isn't the case.

For as long as I could remember I wanted kids. The transition was quite tough for me, most of my friends thought I was nuts for having kids so early. None of them were really in the same part of their life as me, so it was hard for them to understand. We tried for just under two years with no luck. The whole time I was scared I wasn't going to be able to have kids and about what would happen to my relationships and life if it did in fact happen. Finally, after one miscarriage and two cycles of IVF I was pregnant! Aubrey hadn't even arrived and already things changed. I saw less and less of them. I feel like I have lost part of who I am .

Friends have always been so important to me. I have never had a ton, but the ones I had were always incredibly close ones. I felt like basically I was starting from scratch once I became a Mom. Most of my friends from before don't quite understand my life, and I feel like I don't quitw fit in theirs. Instead of  all day shopping trips, girls dinners, gossip sessions, going to movies, drinking, dancing, laying around by the pool or at the beach, sleeping in, working, reading for pleasure... I am changing diapers, reading children's books, rolling around on the ground, running around the house, frequenting parks and Zoo's, watching educational shows, stressing about how much my child is eating, talking, moving, learning, searching for missing sippy cups and other misc items, going to play-dates, pumping like crazy, feeding, clothing, and not sleeping, and the list goes on and on.

To tell you the truth though, I wouldn't trade it for the anything... even on days like this, when I have two overtired fussy babies taking turns screaming their heads off !

My transition into motherhood has not been easy, but then again there isn't much about motherhood that is.

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