Thursday, December 29, 2011

Our Miracles (Post 2- Our Second Miracle)

I had written this post back in July,  to go along with I have yet to post it because I had put information in it that I am not "supposed" to share, well more information that Greg and others would rather I not share. It's hard for me because I am so open about EVERYTHING, and don't see any reason to keep it to myself. Anyways because of my negative feelings towards keeping everything to myself I had yet to go back and edit and post this, but for some reason this morning I woke up thinking about it. So I am going to omit what I need to and post it. So here it is:

After everything we had been through trying to conceive Aubrey, and being told we could not conceive naturally, it left us feeling pretty secure in the fact that we would not need to take preventative measures.

Well a lovely seven months later, I woke up a couple nights in a row to go to the bathroom, and thought it to be quite unusual. I decided to hunt down my last hpt, a leftover from trying to conceive Aubrey. So keeping in mind that this was a pretty old hpt, I used it and kept an open mind. When two lines appeared, my "open mind" seemed to escape me, I really hadn't expected a positive. I started to get panicky, to calm myself down I tried to convince myself there was no way that it was right, that it must be a defective test.

Hoping to be calmed, I called my sister in law, whom coincidentally had just informed me a few days before that she was pregnant and had laughingly said how funny it would be if I were too. Then I called one of my closest friends, who has a little boy just a bit older than Aubrey, knowing she would completely understand my freak out. She told me to got get more tests ASAP! Unfortunately Aubrey was napping at the time. The long amazing naps that Aubrey is known for and that I normally looked forward to, became pure torture. When I finally got the tests, eight of them to be exact. I used six and all had the same result. PREGNANT! I couldn't wrap my mind around it. It just wasn't possible, or so I had thought.

I went in or an ultrasound two weeks later to see how far along I was. While laying there staring at the screen with anticipation, an empty sac appeared. Nothing was inside. The doctor went on about it  being a possible blighted ovum. I just laid there numb. Not listening to anything. I had not wanted to be pregnant, before finding out that I was. Once I thought I was, I wanted to be.

I just knew it. I knew it had just seemed too easy. There was no way we had gotten pregnant on accident, no way that I was truly pregnant. I walked out of the room so defeated, set up an appointment to come back two days later for more blood work and then an appointment for two weeks after to see if it was in fact a blighted ovum or not.

On the way home I threw up on the side of the road. It just confused me more. I didn't know if it was because I was so upset or if it was morning sickness. My blood work showed that my beta numbers were very high and doubling. Of course I researched misdiagnosed blighted ovum's to see if it was possible, that I was maybe really pregnant. I found out that sometimes when you have a tilted uterus (like I do) you can be misdiagnosed. It gave me hope.

Finally ultrasound day arrived, I was beyond nervous. When a little baby with a  heartbeat filled the monitor, I was so amazed and so relieved. I was pregnant, really pregnant!! The baby measured just under seven weeks. Which would make it that I must of found out the second I became pregnant. I guess my body produces and extraordinary amount of HCG.

Nine months (give or take) later, Addison was born! We were so in love, instantly. She wasn't a good eater like her sister, but she wasn't a crier like her either. Which made us happy. She had spitting up a lot. It was coming out her nose and mouth and she was turning purple every time. It was very scary. We later found out they are called dusky spells. I was worried, but a couple of the nurses had seen it and acted as if it was normal. So I mentioned it to the Pediatrician. She didn't seem too concerned until right when she was ready to leave it happened. It was worse I guess than I had described. She immediately thought there might be a heart issue. Greg stayed so calm, I was hysterical per the usual.

A NICU doctor came to look at her and agreed, and he immediately transferred her to Wolfson's for the possible heart issue. She underwent a dozen different tests, echoes, many x-rays, and others I just can't remember. It was a whirlwind. I cried non-stop for days. The only way to keep from crying was to let my mind go numb, to just not think which is really hard for me. Another Mom I knew who had a baby in the NICU for around 20 weeks, had told me that she tried not to cry while she was with her daughter. She left her emotions at the sink (you have to scrub your hands and arm until they are raw, it is a good 3 minutes of scrubbing, then you can enter the NICU.) So that is what I tried to do, and I tried even harder not to cry around Aubrey. I didn't want her to know anything was wrong.

Addison was jaundice, and barley awake. She wouldn't eat, so they had to put in a feeding tube to force her to. Most times it just came right back up. She wasn't gaining weight. She looked so small and frail. She was so lethargic. We met with numerous different specialists, and got bad news pretty much every time.

Addison was in the NICU for seven days, but it seemed like and eternity. It was tough to balance time between staying there with her and time with Aubrey. We didn't want to turn Aubrey's life upside down, but we didn't want to be away from Addison who was going through hell, either. It tore me apart, I missed my babies whenever I was away from them.

We have had three to four appointments each week since leaving the NICU (when this was written, we now have two appointments a week). My Mom comes up and watches Aubrey. I really have no idea how I would of gotten through all of this without my parents. They have bent over backwards to do anything and everything they can. We are so blessed to have such wonderful family in our lives.

With all of Addison's issues, we found out that she is lucky she made it here. I guess that in more cases than not babies like Addison are either miscarried or still born.

So not only were we not even supposed to be able to conceive Addison (since we were told we could never conceive naturally), but she beat all the odds and was born. She truly is our second miracle.

Most are lucky to have one miracle happen in their lifetime, Greg and I truly have had two. We love them both more than life itself. We live and breathe for them. They are our everything.

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